Trigger warning – This story makes references to suicide and alcoholism.
There is this turtle, who, in her early life journey, experienced mad, sad, and bad things along with the rare beam of sunshine pushing through those dark clouds. As she embarked on her adult life journey, she could only see and feel dark and dangerous clouds.
Yet in her dreams and in the corner of her heart she saw light and colour and a girl dancing by a tree. In that dream, the voice of a gentle woman told her that she could become that girl dancing by the tree but when the turtle woke up, all she could believe in was misery.
The turtle trundled along in her misery and gloom and the voice of the gentle woman grew more insistent so the turtle started searching. She looked above and below her but she could see nothing. Sometimes the turtle got angry at the voice and sometimes she got sad at the voice, but mostly she tried to ignore it.
Then a second voice came. Only this time it was not in her dreams, but through books, and meditation CDs, and the internet. This voice belonged to an Indian mystic called Osho. He created meditative techniques called OSHO Active Meditations.
When the turtle tried an OSHO Active Meditation, she experienced something for the first time. It was a deep laughter that rose from her belly all the way to her head and down to her back legs. She received a taste of bliss, a taste of life in technicolour.
While the turtle continued to cling to her misery, something was altered within her forever and she explored and practised all the OSHO Active Meditations on a regular basis. She started listening to Osho’s talks online and she connected with other turtles who follow Osho. More joy and colour began to weave its way into her existence.
The turtle persisted in meditation and misery. She could not understand why she was stuck in anger, sadness, and fear until finally, the turtle came face to face with the one thing she clung to for dear life. What she referred to as her lifelong friend. That friend was alcohol. The turtle loved to hide away in her shell and drink lots of alcohol so she could disappear from the mad, sad, and bad things in her head. Alcohol soothed her nerves and kept her numb. At least that is what she thought it did until it didn’t.
The turtle thought that she could both meditate and medicate with alcohol, but alcohol wanted to be the turtle’s sole master. As time passed and the turtle drank more and more, she hid away and meditated less until alcohol became her only occupation. She sought a quiet corner away from life’s journey so she could drink herself to death.
Somehow, one night, after a long day of drinking, the voice of the gentle woman grew very loud and it penetrated the turtle’s drunken state. Then the turtle remembered Osho’s words – suicide or sannyas? The turtle knew at that moment she could no longer meditate and medicate. She had to make a choice, but how was she to cope with life’s journey without alcohol? She did not want to face the demons inside of her: the mad, sad, and bad things that she had hidden and crawled away from.
But the pains in her body and mind from all the excessive alcohol was killing her and so she raised her head to the sky and cried ‘I cannot stop drinking and I cannot do this alone. Please help me.’
In that moment, Existence rushed to her aid through the help of many loving and not so loving turtles. One turtle guided her to a recovery treatment centre, other turtles guided her to Alcoholics Anonymous, and the Fellowship of AA helped her to stay sober one day at a time.
One special turtle counselled her when she was faced with challenges that she wanted to run away from and the voice of the gentle woman and Osho supported her as she grew in sobriety. The turtle returned to her meditations, only this time they went deeper and deeper and she grew lighter and lighter.
The turtle resumed her journey again, but this time she went a little slower so she could experience all that life offers. She saw that the world is a rather friendly place if one has eyes to see it. That there is beauty in clouds, that they come in all shapes and sizes, and that behind the clouds, there is light and colour.
One day, as she reached her first year of sobriety, the turtle danced along to OSHO Nataraj, and, while in the dance, she finally understood. The light was inside her all along and she could not see this until she had dropped the misery and the alcohol. She saw the light in its full abundance, and in that moment, she saw the little girl from her dream and ….
the little girl was dancing and swaying to the beat of the tree and the universe and ….
the turtle and the little girl became one.
This is a one day at a time story rather than a ‘they lived happily ever after story’.
If you believe you have a drinking problem, or like me, you finally admit you are an alcoholic and you want help, Alcoholics Anonymous is a great support. I also received incredible support from Saoirse, who offer an outpatient recovery programme.
Osho Ireland 